OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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