Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
