i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Let's get the cat blown out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
