just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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