I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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