I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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