Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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