she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it was like eating out sand paper
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
