I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
