i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am midnight drunk by noon
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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