sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
