I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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