i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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