i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
