what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
