Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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