I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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