im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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