i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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