SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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