I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
