He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
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I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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