evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
