In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
someone owes me an orgasm
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
