I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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