if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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