So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
time to smoke my breakfast
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
