Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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