Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
