Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
