I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
