I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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