I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
