so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
