fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
