if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
