My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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