someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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