I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
