after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
