I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I want a musical about memes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
