Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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