drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My balls are so social today.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
