but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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