i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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