Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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