i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
