I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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