I think I am morally bankrupt
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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