Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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