Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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