My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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