hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
