I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
