now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
