My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
