no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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