I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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