4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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